I am a rather selfish person, I can say that honestly. I don’t know what people really think, but I feel I am selfish. It’s a bad attribute for a person to have. But for a selfish person, I have made selfless decisions in life when usually one would be selfish. One of those decisions have been haunting me ever since. It is perhaps the one right thing I have done that I have regretted. I like to think that it isn’t a regret. I tell myself all the time that I’ve moved along. Whether I’ve really got over it or not, I don’t know.
Letting someone go is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when you have so much affection and hopes for them. But when I was facing that moment, listening to her, for me to let her go, it didn’t take much for me to say alright. I was holding on to the saying that if you love someone, you must learn to let them go, if they come back to you, bla bla bla. I also wanted to respect her wish, and not force her to do what she doesn’t want, and I told her that. I was told that one day we would have the possibility of starting over. I assured her I will be alright and she doesn’t have to worry about me. I was thinking of that day we could start over again. I held on to that hope. Apparently it never surfaced.
I’m not sure if it is her that I can’t get over with, or maybe why it turned out this way for me. There have been times I’ve wondered, and asked God. I believe I’ve done the right thing. It was a decision made solely for her sake. I had nothing to gain. I keep thinking maybe I still have a lot to do, to atone for all the wrong I’ve done before I met her. Sometimes I feel I am still unforgiven,something like that. Perhaps I have yet to find vindication.
If you ask me what I would do if I could turn back time and return to that decisive moment, I will tell you this…I won’t change a thing.
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