That Thing

My students keep asking me if I was married or not. Everytime they asked, I gave them different answers, because they keep asking. Usually I'll get replies such as 'Tipu lah', 'Benar kah'. Just the other day, a couple of my students from my class came to the staff room to pay some fees.

I was writing some stuff then, so I told them to wait. While waiting, one the 8 year olds asked me if I was married.

Without looking up and still doing my work, I answered,'Yes'.

If yes, then where is your wedding ring?

Still occupied I blurted, 'No ring'.

But if you don't have a ring, ladies will think you are not married, and they will like you!

Now that she got my attention, 'Really?'. I found that really amusing, and almost laughed. But I just put on a serious front.

Yes! So you better get a ring quickly.

How do I do that?

How do I know, I'm just a little kid.

Oh, now she says that.

Today I got free advice on the time for one (a guy) to get married. This time from a guy. All year long, I've been listening to my female colleagues pestering me about marriagedom. So today, it was a dude to dude thingy. He's actually a longtime friend of my Dad. A retired teacher who is on temporary contract in my school. Some of the guys were hanging around my table during recess and the topic of me+marriage came up. The guys were telling me almost the same thing I got from the womenfolk. But my Dad's buddy had different opinions. This is what he told me.

No doubt your age is ripe for marriage. But it is not wrong or a bad decision for you to wait a little longer. Because then, you will be a more experienced person in life, being more prepared thus being a very good prospect of a husband. You will be worth so much more than you are now.

Wise words. How can you not be convinced when someone with his hair totally white tells you this. My grandmother told me I should save money for the time when I have a wedding reception. What if I told her, I'm saving money...for an iPod Touch :D LOL

Any questions?

Wow, it's a new week. I had a real hectic one before this. Averaged less 4 hours of sleep for a few nights, starting Sunday night until Wednesday. Worked very hard and really put in as much effort as I could. One of those times when I don't hold back. And again I see how much I could do when I step into 5th gear.

The reward for my tireless performance was a very relaxing and most importantly, uninterrupted weekend. I had the whole weekend for myself, of course there is church on Sunday morning lah, some God time there. So I had some good recovery and refreshing time, although another extra rest day wouldn't have hurt.

After the assembly, I had to recap the whole thing to my kids (students) later in class. One of the responsibilities of being a class teacher. Plus they always bug me with questions regarding what were mentioned during the assembly. My class, 2 Cerdik, are really cerdik as the name suggest. They are way ahead compared to the other 2 classes in the same year. They are probably even comparable to the Year 3 classes, I can say so because I teach 2 of the Year 3 classes, including the best. There is no doubt among the teachers that they are very good in their studies. I think they're really bright kids. Very sharp. Very inquisitive. They have a say in anything that is to be said. They ask me silly intelligent questions all the time. You get what I mean? The kinds that you first dismiss but then pause and think, "what the..", yeah that kind. There is no way you could bulls**t these kids, because they'll just keep coming at you with the same questions, until you answer them seriously. The only time they 'believe' my bluff is during story time, when I add up, make up things.

Anyway, back to what happened today. So I was going to finish the recap with the last point being announcing that there will be a collection for a student whose father had passed away on Saturday. I told them that they could give any amount they want, as long as they are sincere with it. Working with kids, you need to repeat bah. So while I was going through the points again, a girl asked something. I wasn't paying attention, so I asked her to repeat her question.

"Did her father go to heaven or hell?"

What the..

"Could you please say that again?"

"Did her father...go to heaven...or hell?" With expressions that showed she was annoyed by having to repeat the question.

"Well..."

That is a difficult question to answer, considering the situation. Plus, it's not a question you get to answer everyday.

"If he was a good person, which I'm sure he is, then maybe he did go to heaven, but it is better to ask God (i did not say 'your god') this question because He knows so much more about this."

Girl smiled. Phew!

I want a massage

Monday. We had another briefing, we've had lots of those lately and will be having some more. It has been tiring. Mentally and physically drained, though I was stressed out until I had brief moment just an hour ago when I finally cracked due to problems with the printer. Anyway, here was what I went through during the briefing today.

This is not an emo post #2

The previous post probably came as a shocker for some, well, it was for even myself. I revealed a part of me that I believe I’ve never showed, yala, I have to deal with emotions also bah.

It also sort of threw me into some kind of retrospective mood, or something like that. I am pleased to say I am really a happy person. Having to carry something like that for a long time doesn’t make me feel miserable. Although it has somehow made me a bit hesitant to even try to be in a relationship for the consequent years, I don’t feel bad for myself.

Life has taught me many lessons, some of them the hard way. I guess everyone goes through that. Sometimes it is so trying, so tough, that people give up in life. That’s probably how the phrase “Life’s unfair” came up. I believe that’s partly true. The world in an unfair place. But if you believe in a just God, then things will be okay.

I’m thankful I went through shit in the earlier part of my life. It has been a big help in building up my character. It’s like joining the army, where they break you down, in order to build a stronger you. I was plain stupid, very self centered and…stupid haha as I approached the end of my teen. For those couple of years, I’ve wasted that part of my life away. I’ve disappointed so many. I let myself down. But by grace and the will to finally listen to my God given conscience, I am what I am today. I keep thinking back to those dark days, but not with regret, rather with a heart of full of gratitude. Most importantly, I can smile and feel happy that I had gone through all that.

So yeah, I am happy. I am happy that I have a wonderful family. I am happy to have nice bosses at work. I am happy that I have friendly colleagues. I am happy that I can still keep in touch with awesome and great people I call friends. I am happy to be this blessed.

Are you happy? Why lah? Don’t worry, happy lah. Just like the song bah.

This is not an emo post

I am a rather selfish person, I can say that honestly. I don’t know what people really think, but I feel I am selfish. It’s a bad attribute for a person to have. But for a selfish person, I have made selfless decisions in life when usually one would be selfish. One of those decisions have been haunting me ever since. It is perhaps the one right thing I have done that I have regretted. I like to think that it isn’t a regret. I tell myself all the time that I’ve moved along. Whether I’ve really got over it or not, I don’t know.

Letting someone go is one of the hardest things in life. Especially when you have so much affection and hopes for them. But when I was facing that moment, listening to her, for me to let her go, it didn’t take much for me to say alright. I was holding on to the saying that if you love someone, you must learn to let them go, if they come back to you, bla bla bla. I also wanted to respect her wish, and not force her to do what she doesn’t want, and I told her that. I was told that one day we would have the possibility of starting over. I assured her I will be alright and she doesn’t have to worry about me. I was thinking of that day we could start over again. I held on to that hope. Apparently it never surfaced.

I’m not sure if it is her that I can’t get over with, or maybe why it turned out this way for me. There have been times I’ve wondered, and asked God. I believe I’ve done the right thing. It was a decision made solely for her sake. I had nothing to gain. I keep thinking maybe I still have a lot to do, to atone for all the wrong I’ve done before I met her. Sometimes I feel I am still unforgiven,something like that. Perhaps I have yet to find vindication.

If you ask me what I would do if I could turn back time and return to that decisive moment, I will tell you this…I won’t change a thing.

Meh

Before starting your day at work, it’s important that you arrive with a pleasant and positive mood. I feel that my drive to work should be a nice one at that. I hope that I don’t encounter more than one a$$hole driver (being realistic, you’re bound to bump into at least a couple everyday). Another thing would be the music played on the radio. Well, I prefer tuning in to the radio than putting in an mp3 in the morning because I like the feel of listening to someone talking (the deejay lah) through my speakers.

I normally switch on the player when I’m about halfway to school. This morning, as I pressed the ‘ON’ button, this came on:

"Time is waiting"

No. Not this song, please.

"We only got four minutes to save the world"

Damnit, Justin! I’m less than 10 minutes away from school. What the heck is this saving the world business in 4 minutes??? This is the sort of song that I can do without at 6.35am, on the way to work. A song that’s pointing out some urgency and time. Radio deejays should have better song selections at that hour of the day lah. They should play some cheery, happy and uplifting stuff. No doubt this song is upbeat, but, please lah.

"No hesitating
Grab a boy
Go grab your girl"

Oh, come on now! I just turned 28, wearing a batik, and is driving to work! Why in the hell would I want to do that?!

"Time is waiting
We only got four minutes to save the world
No hesitating
We only got four minutes huh four minutes"

*changes the station*